You're joking, aren't you?

Two nurses working on a psychiatric ward, are up before the Nursing and Midwifery Council after a patient on the ward hanged himself. The Wiltshire Times reported that one of the nurses was playing computer games at the time, while the other nurse was having her hair styled by a colleague in the patients' smoking lounge.

On the web site http://www.courtnews.co.uk/, it was further reported the computer game the male nurse was playing at the time was 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'.

What the hell was going through the minds of these nurses? Was it:

A) No one's going to find out we were mucking around
B) If anything bad happens, we'll look busy and pretend to be on duty

C) Never been caught before

D) Who cares

Phone a friend is still an option. Let's hope the friend is a lawyer...

P.S. None of the above answers are correct, as there are no excuses for such a tragedy. Shame on you nurses.

Jackanory, Jackanory...

The fact a teenager didn't take his "kiddie coke" has been blamed for an arson attack. The North Devon Journal reported on Adam Parker, who admitted to two charges of arson at Barnstaple Magistrates' Court. His solicitor told the court Parker committed the crimes because he wasn't taking his "kiddie coke" at the time. Begs the question: "How d'you know that then?"

Don't you think this might be an attempt to get the teenager off the hook with aload of made-up psycho-waffle? I wonder who the psychiatrist was who told the solicitor what to say? Jackanory, jackanory...

Shrinking down the pub

Psychiatrist Nicholas Cooling was up before his bosses at the General Medical Council recently for over-prescribing an antipsychotic drug, and for consulting with his patient down the pub. The doc was handed down a six-month suspension.

When it comes to psychiatry, you could probably do the business anywhere: a pub, park bench, train station, airplane, car, sauna, so on and so on. It doesn't really matter where the psychiatric 'consultation' takes place as you sure don't need any tools of the trade other than the tongue to give an opinion.

All in the name of science... honest

The Times newspaper has reported on Dr Michael Mithoefer, a psychiatrist from South Carolina who's been treating people with MDMA, "... the pure chemical compound, not the black-market Ecstasy bought by recreational users." Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

Anyone with PTSD should go and see Dr Fraser Gibb then (The ecstasy of life as a psychiatrist), I think he'll be able to help.

In all seriousness though, I'm beginning to think someone's pulling my leg. Ecstasy for PTSD? LSD for this 'n' that to unlock the thoughts of mental patients? Cocaine, or should I say methylphenidate, for kids with ADHD?

Does this mean the bog standard drugs don't work? Or is the doc having a bit of an away-day to see what happens? You know, bit of 'experimentation', all in the name of science?

Enjoy the 'holiday' while it lasts

The secure, prison-like, psychiatric facilities where patients are imprisoned, whoops, 'detained,' for their own good and for the good of others, aren't so secure as it turns out. I saw this headline, Psychiatric patients went AWOL 82 times where unauthorised absences seem a common occurrence.

Now for the test: did any of the escapees harm themselves or others while they were 'on holiday?' I doubt it, otherwise we'd have heard about it. But I'll bet the needles were waiting for them when they got dragged back through the 'secure' doors. Therapeutic needles or punitive ones?

Now that the problem's been highlighted, I suspect the authorities will 'investigate' and make 'improvements' so the patients sure as hell won't get out ever again, ever, ever, ever.

As far as the psychiatrist is concerned, patients running away have proven themselves to be dangerous so it's going take a long, long, long time before the patient's back to some kind of normality.

Well, am I right?

You fooled 'em Mandy, you fooled 'em all

I saw this story in the Shropshire Star.

"A Shropshire woman who took part in a plot to kill her former lover has been remanded to hospital by a judge at Derby Crown Court. Mandy Jackson appeared in the dock today at a brief hearing before she was sent to St Andrew’s Hospital in Northampton for treatment and reports."

Treatment? What sort? Drugs perhaps?

One things for sure: just like the Chief, "you fooled 'em Mandy, you fooled 'em all."

The ecstasy of life as a psychiatrist

A doctor caught with 14 ecstasy tablets at a music festival has been allowed to keep his licence to practise. He also had amphetamines and cannabis resin in his car.

The Herald in Scotland reported the following: "Dr Gibb, 41, of Steilston, Dumfries, was convicted at Kirkcudbright Sheriff Court of possessing the Class A drug at the Wickerman festival in Dundrennan in July 2006 and was fined £400.

Colleagues at Dumfries and Galloway NHS Trust said the locum consultant psychiatrist at Crichton Royal Hospital was an asset to the trust and preventing him from working would not serve any purpose for patients."

Now, let me see if I got this right. So he's a doc, or should I say a psychiatrist, and caught in possession of illegal drugs, 14 ecstasy tablets to be exact. Then he was convicted. Then he was fined. Then his bosses said he could carry on working with a few restrictions on his license. And then he could carry on working for the NHS, which means tax-payers are covering his wages.

Now, I have it on good authority that one person can't take that many ecstasy tablets as they'd soon be pushing up daisies. So the question is, why did the doc have that many tablets? D'you think he was going to share them with some mates, or even make a few quid on the side?

No, surely not.

Oh, the ecstasy of life as a psychiatrist.